I’ve been thinking and praying about what to do with this blog and at this point I know that God wants me to write more. Of course that makes me scared because I want to write, but if I write I want my writing to be worthwhile. I admire writers like Anne Lamott and most recently Katherine’s mom, Kim. I admire their writing because it’s honest, it’s soulful, and it addresses many of the complexities in life that I think about too.
Now Anne Lamott has been blogging, in a sense, since her first non-fiction book Operating Instructions was published in 1993. And by the time her fifth memoir came out in 2007 I felt like I was reading the journal of a dear friend. It’s 2008 and I’m getting my Lamott-type fixes lately from Kim, who doesn’t have a publisher or an agent, but an account with Blogspot and a daughter in the hospital. Kim’s daughter Katherine is amazing. She’s one of the few people I’ve met who can talk confidently about her faith with strangers. You don’t forget Katherine. She glows. She’s dynamic and welcoming and you won’t feel like stranger for long. And now, following Katherine’s stroke and hospitalization in April, I’m getting to know Kim, who raised up Godly Katherine but relates to God more the way I relate to God.
Kim, and I, and Anne Lamott, love God. But it’s hard for us to hear that God loves us. We know down in the foundation of who we are that God loves us. But day to day we can all relate that, as Kim puts it, “My head knowledge and my emotions are often at war with each other. My life is full of inconsistencies, if not outright hypocrisies.” One of our inconsistencies is that even though we know God loves us unconditionally, we can’t always feel his love. We often don’t feel good enough. We try to earn his love. We beg for forgiveness, although it’s already been given to us. Day after day, hour by hour, we must hear it again, Jesus loves me, and many times hearing those three words doesn’t feel like we think it should. Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us. It helps me to write that again.
Forgive me for making these observations about women I’ve never met. I’m even likening these great women to myself. How pretentious. But for one reason or another Anne and Kim have opened up their inner lives through books and blogs and pieces of their writing have spoken to me. Anne is a celebrity of sorts, so it doesn’t feel as awkward writing about her. Kim, however, is a friend of a friend and I am more hesitant to write about her and her family here.
Blogging is new and I think we’re all still figuring out the boundaries. I’m very hesitant to write about certain subjects here. Those warning signs from human resources departments and Dateline television specials ring in my ears. I feel a little naked. But I’m willing to start writing, thinking so publicly out loud, because I’ve found a few blogs that really mean something to me. I believe in writing and reading and the public conversation. Blogging is influencing my public conversations and trains of thought. And, for now, I know that God wants me to write more. For now, this will be the place.
It is summer and there’s not a whole lot of structure here. The header photo of the chair in the tall grass was taken outside Savannah, Georgia, during a lightening storm. My favorite moment from summer so far was running around on the lawn in front of that chair, soaking wet from the rain, and doing cartwheels with my best friend. I also feel oh so free at the beach when I’m running around on the sand, like the woman in the photograph below.
If you’ve read this blog before, I’m still reading through the bible this year, but will write less about that. From time to time I’ll let you know what I’m reading. If you’d like to read the bible a year too, the schedule is posted here. Tonight I’m reading Proverbs 14-17, and my two of my favorite blogs, Kim’s and Annie’s (different Annie).
freedom
